So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
My vagina is officially offended.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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