ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
