I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
He passed out mid-signature
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize