I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
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