thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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