I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
