if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
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