Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Come on in and take your pants off
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