I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
