he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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