I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
