I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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