I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
