Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
