you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
