I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize