i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
