If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
