can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
