I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Someone signed my nipple.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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