I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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