So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
