you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
