if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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