I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Use "feeling words"
Yay
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
