I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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