): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize