i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
