We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
