u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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