omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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