i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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