Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
