she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
