apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
