All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
