I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
