my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
