I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
