he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
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