Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
