i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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