Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Randomize
