ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize