I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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