the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
