Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Randomize
