My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
i think my cat just said my name.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
