i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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