we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
