just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
