The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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