Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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