Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
