You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
