It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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