Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Fuck appropriateness.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Randomize
