I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
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