just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Congratulations! We have a period
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