where does the pee come out of this thing
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
