Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
