haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
