At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Well I just put wine in my tea
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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