I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
