Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
