you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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