we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize