i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
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