Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize