I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
