Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize