You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
