i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
