Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
